DUDES.
happy. fuckin. new years.
2012, it's the years for opportunities, a growth, an epidemic....yes 2012.
I wonder what's going to happen this year to me?
retrospecting to 2011 is like, watching a movie. Last year was really crazy.
I was in Berlin, unsure of myself. but kept going anyway. and then I started making friends. and we were partying so hard. and we had serious conversations. and then we got crazy, and then we were like " OMG, WERE BEST FRIENDS NOW."
I miss my friends in berlin. they're like such beautiful people. I miss it a lot. What I miss the most...
the u-bahn and its un predictable controllers.
AT LEAST 50% of ppl are holding a beer at any given time.
there's a lot of white dudes -- white dudes are hot.
there's a lot of tall dudes -- tall dudes are hot.
it's really cheap -- if compared to the NYC payscale, fuck yeah. but then again when i was a berliner....i was shit poor.
tacheles -- artist building!! I went there all the time and smoked a lot with the artists. tacheles will always hold a special place in my heart.
SUNDAYS AT MAUERPARK -- mending your hangover at mauerpark. all you need is a blanket, some shades, and more alcohol. Went there with like 6 hungover friends, and it was the best chill time ever.
falafels -- cheap and good. but if you overdo it, you'll bloat.
UGH. BERLINNNNN I MISS UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
wah.
but NYC is pretty cool, too. I'm sure if I went back to Berlin, I'd miss NYC just as much. I'll definitely cry.
but then again, when I was in London I missed Greenwich a lot. wow that's SO STRANGE.
I love the world.
that's not so strange.
yes i love the world. and it loves me. I'm so happy. I'm so glad that I'm a happy person. damn yes.
i love you out there, whoever is always eyeing on this blog. It's been 8 fuckin years since I've had this thing.
- 2012/01/06 21:00|
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It took me like, 5 fuckin tries until i finally got into this blog.
looks like somebody's been a fool and was slippin on updating.
but i've had this blog for over 7 years now *gasp* so a few slippin' here and there shall cause no more problems any longer.
i heart you blog.
just some place to write and write...and write and write. what a fuckin endless loop. everything just keeps going , and going, and going, , and going.
kinda like when you wake up one day on a sunny, bright, dazzling, warm day and ask yourself "shit, what a fuckin endless loop." ok. i'm over it.
That's why i always need some fuckin variety in my life. a little bit of europe here, some jewish dudes over there. what..?
May I say that today was the SHITTIEST MOST CRAPPIEST FUCKIN JUST AWFUL day in a fuckin while?
like, it's been suuuuper while since i last had a crappy day. like that day this dude i was seeing during the summer aka travi and i broke up. yeah, that sucked. oh well. i'm over it.
anyway.
yeah. it was just fuckin horrible dude.
I not only had to do double-shift today (14 long in my ass hours)
it was fucking BUSY. like no time to fuckin go to the back and make myself an "i don't want to be here, thus i'm going to make myself a" cocktail.
first it was the phone for fuckin deliveries 2 blocks down b/c the dude was too fuckin lazy and too busy being fat that he makes illegal immigrants delivery his food right to his door.
then came a happy bundle of asian ppl. all ^-^ and ^_^ and ^-^.
(im NOT trying to be funny here. i literally saw ^-^, ^_^, and ^-^ the moment they came in.
do those emoticons looks like happy faces or cat ears?
if you thought cat ears.... then nipa-------------.
yeah.
so yeah. it was really fuckin busy today.
one by one came the tourists, the regulars, the stalker who comes in just to talk to me, the homeless asking to use the bathroom, the pretentious hipsters, the underaged NYU kids, another group of happy trippy asians........the list goes on.
I was the only waitress working and it was fuckin nutty. I was so boss today though, and i was so proud of my busgirl that i gave her extra money.
long story short,
this fuckin hot oil that was on a chicken skillet dripped on my hand right when i was about to put it on the table and the 4 dude customers went "ooooh....ARE YOU OKAY? LIKE I HAVE A FIRST AID KIT IN MY CAR I'LL GO GET IT FOR YOU." I gave them the head-shake, ran to the kitchen, and cried because my hand was in so much pain. I fuckin hate chicken teriyaki dishes. fuck you meat.
I came out in about 15 mins with a sore ass hand and just went back into working-mode.
then from the back, the 4 dudes were waving for me and asked me if I was okay. aw, so nice. I'm not. my hand's in so much pain, i hate the world and i hate all of you.
Oh, I stepped on some customer's shitty umbrella and it apparently broke? They didn't tell me if it did or not, but I'm pretty sure I heard a cheap $4 'snap' on my way through that paraguas of yours.
I was also quite frustrated with the new chick. Yeah she's a kawaii chick and takes direction very well. but her ignorance and ditziness was off the chart today. it certainly didn't help my seriously injured hand.
i now just realized that i have a burn from a chicken teriyaki skillet on my left hand, and on my right hand i have a burn from my hair straightener, in which the "ionic heat" somehow ionically burned my skin into a shrivel and made my knuckle look like a clit. wow, that was inappropriate.
OMG I DROPPED A BOWL OF RICE ON A CUSTOMER AND THE BOWL FELL AND SSSSSSSHATTERED ONTO THE FLOOR. these douchebags sitting at a table nearby were like "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! *starts clapping*". Thereby after, I hope you know that they were given the shittiest service ever: kicking the back of their chairs and forgetting their orders was a fuckin given.
but the customer was really nice about it. I was super surprised.
and then my manager told me that he went to that table and told them that one of our chefs got injured in the kitchen and that's why i seemed startled. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH. ain't that a laugh.
i love my manager. he's super asian though but i suppose everything can't be perfect.
when the manager left, it was just me and the new chick. we were like, soooo chilllllllll. it was pretty rad. but she compliments me too much and i don't like it. i just really don't. because i know i'm not SUGOI (japanese term for mentally/physically able to do some out of this world. like being famous. I'll never be that SUGOI.)
anyfuckingway,
tusdays are fuckin horrible, and today was the worst tuesday of all fuckin tuesdays.
my feet smell and i'm out of alcohol.
- 2011/12/28 03:55|
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you have dreams
and then you have the sun
that you wake up to every single morning
no matter how happy or how horrible you may feel
that fuckin sun just keeps on rising like a mother fucker
but in reality, the sun never goes down
it's just an illusion caused by the world going around ~ Flaming Lips
i think about the future a lot. A LOT.
yes, i live in the moment and there's nothing as bitter sweet as the present
but I'm just as insecure about how i'm going to turn out when i'm old and saggy.
I was seeing this amazing dude for 4 months and we broke it off last night.
with a common ground of honesty, i think we did a really good job establishing a neutral boundary
but fuck i am so down.
yes, i'm a girl. so I'll probably cry about it again when something comes along that reminds me of him.
it's like that - you love. you fall. you cry. and then you just keep going.
because i've never forgotten how to trust, i've never forgotten how to love.
and i want to fuckin keep it that way.
i will always trust, and always will love. i'll always welcome ppl with wide, open arms.
perhaps it's a luxury, perhaps it's a curse.
because nothing lasts forever.
only legacies do.
i want to create a legacy in this world.
but how?
by being the most amazing asian chick with a thousand headbands.
psh, there's so many ppl like that. can't compete. okay, so scratch that.
whatever. i'm just really down right now.
- 2011/10/22 09:42|
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holy shit. it's august.
my uber new friend mari told me that i should update my blog with some happy thoughts so i shall do just that.
and fuck yes my life in nyc thus far has been filled with nothing but happy moments.
im still not fond of the harlem neighborhood i call home
and the subways are stinky and filled with stinky, sweaty ppl
but i'm surrounded by good vibes and good people, and it's been one hell of a ride.
my work hours are bizarre, being on my feet for 15+ hours in a single day
and doing that over and over and over....
but in the end it's all worth it. because i not only go home with a stash of money
but i also have some trippy experiences by conversing with so many different people that you'd otherwise never come across in a personal setting.
oh, and i met an amazing guy. yeah, typical yuki tendency.
i was serving his table and on his 2nd visit to the lounge he asked for my number
and ever since then we've just been spending some rad time together.
YES I LOVE BEING WITH AWESOME PEOPLE.
i CANNOT WAIT to chill with him again. he lights up my day like a happy unicorn.
ok, that was a bit gay.
but hey, i'm open to gayness. YAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN NY!!!!!!
i don't know how much longer i'll be in nyc.
i'm just liking the consistency that i've established here. quite refreshing.
being in your 20's is such a fuckin adventure.
you try different things, experience with new attributes, learn from others,
make mistakes, regret things, and move on.
you're consistently trying to figure out who you are,
what you want to do, where you want to be.
and then by the time you hit 30, you've pretty much figured out a lot of shit
and then the ride just gets even better once you're up there.
i'm 22 already. my god. what the fuck am i doing with my life.
i honestly have no idea.
all i know is that i'm living everyday as if it's my last.
- 2011/08/03 15:07|
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i miss berlin.
the little games i played with the controllers on the u-bahn.
buying a beer for 1 euro at a lotto shop at 10am
watching all the creative ppl get stoned at the park while they make art
bar-hopping until 9am with friends and totally regretting it the next day
going to tacheles and chilling out with the artists there while we smoke together
being careful not to step on dog poop while taking a stroll (actually i don't miss that part)
the people in berlin are so serene, so calm, so....themselves.
i'm back in new york now,
where everything is so fast-paced
everybody is competing with each other and time
every single fucking moment of the day.
it never stops. the twirling and swirling of time.
nyc is a lovely place
but it's not for me.
but for now, i shall embrace every fuckin light it has to offer.
my goal is to make 10,000 in 3 months.
watch meeeeeee bitchesss!
- 2011/05/17 14:30|
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it's been far too long since i last updated this little thing of mine.
i came to berlin in february, traveled for a month around western europe march-april,
and now back in berlin.
being here has opened my eyes to so many things
the diverse group of people, their creativity, their intellect, their thoughts and opinions.
because ppl influence me, in a positive way.
new york is fun as well with my usual people and the vibrant colors that constantly glows throughout the city
but honestly i'm so bored of that place,
i've figured out everything from the habits that people have to the daily situations of the G train that never comes,
the freezing weather, the so-called 'b-boys' who walk so fuckin slow on the sidewalk while rapping to themselves.
i've gotten bored of london as well. went there 3 times in the past 2 months.
I mean, I love it. it's classy, quiet, red and green everyday. (red buses and green everywhere, not xmas dude.)
but it doesn't spark my curiousity as it did when i first arrived last year.
i still have tons to figure out about berlin, it's so mysterious and cultivated. I want to know more.
but somehow, greenwich is one place that i can never get tired of.
i actually miss it a lot.
driving around in my honda, blasting music on a crisp summer day.
my occasional visit to the wine shop where the dude so tried to hit on me.
the pharmacist at cvs who says she's totally going to my hairstylist everytime she sees me (she'll never go.)
I miss whipping by my friend's place just to bullshit around and smoke a lot of trees, and then passing out. haaaa.
i miss the beach. yes that little dinky ass beach that is reserved only for gwich citizens...unless you want to cough up $20 for a visitors pass.
aw, how i enjoy the bitchiness of all the desperate housewives who only shop at whole foods.
one day i'm going to buy a house in greenwich for my mom to live in.
I'd totally visit every weekend....assuming that i'd be living in new york, which is pretty unlikely.
so I guess i'll just visit once in a blue moon. okay.
I've learned the importance of money, and how it's sometimes not even essential. irony.
because i can enjoy a super cheap calimocho while bitching around with friends at their pad.
all i need to do is bring a bottle of wine and the party keeps going.
i enjoy life and what it has to offer,
sometimes you just need to open up a bit and explore your horizons
to realize how vibrant and wonderful life really is.
I'm going back to nyc on may 10th...3 weeks left!
homeless, be it. I enjoy living it day-by-day. for now I suppose.
- 2011/04/18 11:34|
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if there are no rules to the free mind
and everybody is absolutely free to think or decide whatever they want
without any limitations or boundries
then why am i suffering?
I've met a special somebody. so so. so damn special.
but sometimes i just want to push him away
because I think that I am not good enough sometimes
that perhaps he can be more consistent without me.
and that's all just rubbish. i can't be thinking that way.
if i were to grow apart from him, it would be all because of me and my thoughts
and has absolutely nothing to do with him.
i'd want him to pull me back into the realistic world,
where it's okay to be vulnerable and okay to feel this way
but it's not okay to keep feeling it without doing anything about it
i'm scared. i'm so scared.
of what?
consistency.
I am afraid of consistency.
my life has always been a rollercoaster of events and emotions
I am so used to the uncontrollable momentum, I've grown comfortable in it.
So in my head I'd want to continue with that uneven momentum
to live life as it's being thrown at you.
is that the right way? is there such a thing as a 'right' way?
the only thing I know is that
my life is so uncertain right now
and i don't know where i'll end up
and i keep thinking about his thoughts.
what is he thinking?
but perhaps i should be cliche and just tell myself to
'mind ur own business'.
because when you're focused on yourself
that's when you really understand what's going on.
maybe.
ugh.
- 2011/02/04 12:46|
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it's sort of like a fairytale,
a young, ambitious european man decides to move out to the americas.
it was for work and he wanted to expanded his network.
however, it wasn't the jobs or the monuments that really struck him
it was more the people and the culture that made nyc super special.
he felt absolut freedom. absolut diversity. absolut love.
from this vacation of his,
he's found more than just new connections,
he's found a whole new, vibrant world.
he found me.
and i found him.
funny how things end up like this.
i am so so glad to have met you, g.
you are so beautiful, in every way possible.
i hope your everyday is filled with happiness and light.
but sometimes it's important to have shitty days, too.
because those shitty days make you remember that you are human
and that happy days aren't a given.
instead of asking myself questions about us
i keep wanting to know more about you.
instead of asking about where our relationship is going,
i'd rather ask you what your favorite meal is.
instead of wondering if i'm secure in your heart,
i'd rather ask if you want a back massage so you can destress.
instead of worrying and wondering and wandering
i'd rather be curious, be very curious, and take an adventure with you.
- 2010/09/29 00:43|
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do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?
please do realize, that you make somebody's world go around
your smile, even a little smirk, brightens up her day
your presence, however it works, soothes the subway ride
yet, you are a scatterbrain
organized everything may seem
and that is how it is
we can only see, and only assume
however the world looks like within you
i hope that a little part of it includes one love,
somewhere, within you
please do realize, that you make somebody's world go around
even if it's just for a day
i too, am a scatterbrain,
for i do not know what is going on
even within myself
- 2010/09/06 21:39|
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it's like twirled string
in the beginning, you develop a connection
everything goes well, and you keep going
you enjoy good company
and then everything gets confusing
and you don't remember how it started
or when it's going to end.
like twirled string.
but once all the confusing knots are undone
and the overs & unders are figured out
you realize how everything's still connected.
nothing ever got lost in between the moments
nothing fell thru the cracks between your words
like twirled string.
- 2010/08/04 02:43|
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