sweet trance

since 04.18.2004
2017年09月 ≪  12345678910111213141516171819202122232425262728293031 ≫ 2017年11月
TOPスポンサー広告 ≫ burst of flavorTOP日常 ≫ burst of flavor

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burst of flavor

honestly i cannot say it enough
god im such a repetitive person!! lol

but i am just bursting with so much energy ryt now
of course at tyms i feel lyk shit and crap
and sometyms go bak to my old ways to deal with all those emotions
but its important for me to just take a deep breath and let go.
its been a rough ride, but as always, i just gotta try harder and harder...

its been 7 yrs since ive been with dis disorder.
its quite embarrasing and not many ppl know about it.
i am just so scared dat if i keep goin with it
my teeth cud get fucked up and ill b too ashamed to smile
that maybe my organs will start gettin weak and fuck itself up
that maybe i wont be able to hav kids in d future
that sum day my heart will just stop and my body will shut down on me
and its happened to way too many ppl
all those unfortunate stories i hear
even now i keep tellin myself, that i'll nvr b lyk dat and be alryt
but everytym i go bak to d cycle
i can feel my heart skip
my body aches and i sumtyms pass out
and wake up d next day realizing dat i fainted into a deep sleep

i come off as dis chick who's outgoing and easy to talk to
but ppl dont know what's really going on inside. and they never will.

ive broken out of d bad cycle n habits a few tyms
but do end up relapsing and it'll take me another week or two to get bak on my feet.
i used to b embarrased bout going to a specialist n takin meds
hey ive been doin it for about 4 years now
at least ive come to accept dat i need help
dat i need ppl to guide me into d ryt direction
i am truly blessed to hav these professionals by my side

everytym i look at myself in d mirror
its really no fun, cuz i keep lookin at all d things dats wrong wit me
i gotta learn how to love myself and accept myself unconditionally
cuz if i dont i wont be able to do d same with ppl dat matter most in my lyf

its been a pretty slow process
but i think i am heading towards d ryt direction
lyk i said, its been a wild ride

but sumday, sumday
maybe ill b able to feel absolutely free

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