sweet trance

since 04.18.2004
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TOPスポンサー広告 ≫ rules?TOP恋愛 ≫ rules?


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if there are no rules to the free mind
and everybody is absolutely free to think or decide whatever they want
without any limitations or boundries
then why am i suffering?

I've met a special somebody. so so. so damn special.
but sometimes i just want to push him away
because I think that I am not good enough sometimes
that perhaps he can be more consistent without me.
and that's all just rubbish. i can't be thinking that way.
if i were to grow apart from him, it would be all because of me and my thoughts
and has absolutely nothing to do with him.
i'd want him to pull me back into the realistic world,
where it's okay to be vulnerable and okay to feel this way
but it's not okay to keep feeling it without doing anything about it

i'm scared. i'm so scared.
of what?
I am afraid of consistency.
my life has always been a rollercoaster of events and emotions
I am so used to the uncontrollable momentum, I've grown comfortable in it.
So in my head I'd want to continue with that uneven momentum
to live life as it's being thrown at you.
is that the right way? is there such a thing as a 'right' way?

the only thing I know is that
my life is so uncertain right now
and i don't know where i'll end up
and i keep thinking about his thoughts.
what is he thinking?

but perhaps i should be cliche and just tell myself to
'mind ur own business'.
because when you're focused on yourself
that's when you really understand what's going on.





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