sweet trance

since 04.18.2004
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the sun

you have dreams
and then you have the sun
that you wake up to every single morning
no matter how happy or how horrible you may feel
that fuckin sun just keeps on rising like a mother fucker

but in reality, the sun never goes down
it's just an illusion caused by the world going around ~ Flaming Lips

i think about the future a lot. A LOT.
yes, i live in the moment and there's nothing as bitter sweet as the present
but I'm just as insecure about how i'm going to turn out when i'm old and saggy.

I was seeing this amazing dude for 4 months and we broke it off last night.
with a common ground of honesty, i think we did a really good job establishing a neutral boundary
but fuck i am so down.
yes, i'm a girl. so I'll probably cry about it again when something comes along that reminds me of him.
it's like that - you love. you fall. you cry. and then you just keep going.
because i've never forgotten how to trust, i've never forgotten how to love.
and i want to fuckin keep it that way.
i will always trust, and always will love. i'll always welcome ppl with wide, open arms.
perhaps it's a luxury, perhaps it's a curse.
because nothing lasts forever.
only legacies do.

i want to create a legacy in this world.
but how?
by being the most amazing asian chick with a thousand headbands.
psh, there's so many ppl like that. can't compete. okay, so scratch that.

whatever. i'm just really down right now.

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